flowers

I Love Lucy S02 E14 – Ricky Has Labor Pains

3 Comments

Original Air Date: January 5, 1953

We’re at 1953! Another year, another round of progress we can undo over 60 years later. 

Note: this week’s episode is listed as Episode 19 on Hulu because facts are dead. It’s actually Episode 14, but that’s only according to every major TV archive and film site. If you FEEL like it’s episode 19, congratulations. You’re our new Secretary of Lucy. 

We open on Ricky, talking with Fred on the phone. Fred wants to come up and watch the game with Ricky, but he’s worried Lucy might mind because she’s getting further in her pregnancy and might not want company.

Let’s pause here and mark this moment as the first time Fred has ever been the most considerate man in the room. Fred is fucking Feminism 101 compared to the shit Ricky pulls in this episode. 

Continue reading →

I Love Lucy S02 E11 – Pregnant Women Are Unpredictable

2 Comments

Original Air Date: December 15, 1952

Quick! Get Nancy Grace to hair and makeup!

Because we open on Lucy “taking care” of a practice baby doll. It’s the creepy sort of doll that makes you fear death in a new way. Lucy holds it under her armpit, throws it around, drowns it.

I Love Lucy S02 E11 Lucy with Baby Doll

Considering how much that doll looks like Satan, hold it however you want.

Continue reading →

I Love Lucy S02 E05 – The Operetta

3 Comments

Original Air Date: October 13, 1952

We open on a henhouse of women going “clickety clackety.” I think the script literally said, “Jabber on about lady stuff, etc.”

But Lucy didn’t have quite as good a time as her guests.

Continue reading →

I Love Lucy S01 E28 – Cuban Pals

4 Comments

(Or: Lucy Tries to Help Trump Build a Wall)

Original air date: April 21, 1952

Ballers, did you see the debate? No, not the Republican debate. I mean the debate over who should play Ricky in the new Lucy biopic. I suppose if it can’t be me (and it can’t), one of those guys would do.

We open on Lucy fixing the flowers because her life is interesting. She’s also setting up hors d’oeuvres. (I HATE the phrase “hors d’oeuvres.” It’s impossible. I almost took up French just so I didn’t feel stupid trying to spell it. My dad calls them “horse divers.” I prefer the spelling “Whore Dervs,” which is also the name of my favorite slutty diesel engine road vehicle.)

Continue reading →

I Love Lucy S01 E26 – The Marriage License

3 Comments

(Or: Lucy Kisses Dating Goodbye)

**More WTFacts are at this week’s Episode Watch Party.**

We open on Lucy cleaning out the desk, and underneath the receipts for freestanding bathtubs, bellydancing costumes, and other super useless items she’s bought this month, she finds her and Ricky’s marriage license.

Lucy (reading): On this day, Lucille Esmeralda McGillicuddy was married to Ricky… Bicardi?

And in zero to sixty, Lucy enters full freakout.

You know, she’s really doing this wrong. She might be the heiress to the Bacardi fortune. That’s a LOT of money. My rum and cokes alone would cover the freestanding bathtub and then some.

Continue reading →

I Love Lucy S01 E22 – Fred and Ethel Fight

2 Comments

(Or: FINALLY! Go get yours, Ethel!)

**More WTFacts are at this week’s Episode Watch Party.**

We open on Lucy setting the table for dinner and Ricky playing peekaboo because the guy legit thinks he’s married a 6 month old. 

“WHOM is coming to dinner?” Ricky asks, all proud of himself like he checked fucking Grammar Girl or something. Except he clearly didn’t, because WHOM is incorrect.
Continue reading →

I Love Lucy S01 E14 – The Amateur Hour

1 Comment

(OR: Lucy Takes a Horse-Size Birth Control Pill)

**Wanna keep up? Episode watch party!**

Ballers, bad news: Lucy is fuuuuuuuuucked. She bought a dress on sale, and now she has to “smooch Ricky into it” so she can keep it. Funny, normally you smooch people out of dresses, not into them.

Ethel leaves to “smooch Fred” into letting her keep the plunger she bought. Let’s say it together: Ethel has a shitty life.

Oh, that great deal Lucy got for the dress? It was $59.95 + tax. Today that’s $535.25 + grounds for divorce. Then she complains she has nothing to wear. WOMEN!

What Ethel doesn’t tell Fred is this plunger has a vibrating feature.

What Ethel doesn’t tell Fred is this plunger has a vibrating feature.

Continue reading →

I Love Lucy S01 E13 – The Benefit

2 Comments

(OR: The one with the actual horse’s ass)

**Wanna keep up? Episode watch party!**

Ballers, you remember that time you and three other people spent every waking second together, and you never seemed to interact with anyone else, and it sorta felt like you couldn’t escape?

Unless you’re schizophrenic, in jail, or homeschooled, no. No, you don’t remember that.

Continue reading →

I Love Lucy S01 E05 – The Quiz Show

5 Comments

(Or: Lucy Runs Out of Money and Dignity)

Get all the WTFacts at this week’s Episode watch party!

We open on a very busy Lucy, frantically preparing her accounts to show Ricky. She’s terrified. 

Of course she is.

Ballers, I’ve been hinting at this for weeks. Our girl’s a train wreck, and someone needs to give this shopaholic an intervention or Episode 6 will be “Lucy Goes to Bankruptcy Court.”

Continue reading →