Original Air Date: January 19, 1953
Ballers, this is the first post in Trump’s America. Just as we have all birthed a giant, lady-grabbing baby, so Lucy will now birth one of her own. Grab your favorite hate crime and enjoy!
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I Love Lucy S02 E09 – Ricky Loses His Voice
Original Air Date: December 1, 1952
It was 6am when we watched this week’s episode, and that theme song made me want to die. I love this show, but I don’t recommend enjoying it before 10am. It’s like setting “Trump rally” as your wake-up alarm tone.
I Love Lucy S01 E31 – The Publicity Agent
Original air date: May 12, 1952
We open on Ricky playing cards in the living room. Lucy just finished doing all the dishes, but somehow it’s Ricky who’s in a shitty mood. He doesn’t want to hang out with the Mertzes and doesn’t want to play cards.
He’s your average six-year-old at the end of summer.
Lucy: I’ll get you a gun, you can shoot yourself.
Well, that escalated quickly.
I Love Lucy S01 E28 – Cuban Pals
(Or: Lucy Tries to Help Trump Build a Wall)
Original air date: April 21, 1952
Ballers, did you see the debate? No, not the Republican debate. I mean the debate over who should play Ricky in the new Lucy biopic. I suppose if it can’t be me (and it can’t), one of those guys would do.
We open on Lucy fixing the flowers because her life is interesting. She’s also setting up hors d’oeuvres. (I HATE the phrase “hors d’oeuvres.” It’s impossible. I almost took up French just so I didn’t feel stupid trying to spell it. My dad calls them “horse divers.” I prefer the spelling “Whore Dervs,” which is also the name of my favorite slutty diesel engine road vehicle.)
I Love Lucy S01 E21 – New Neighbors
(Or: War is a force that gives us meaning)
**More WTFacts are at this week’s Episode Watch Party.**
We open on the living room window, which we’ve never seen before. Lucy and Ethel are snooping on the new neighbors moving in while Ricky demands his breakfast. I’m not sure which is ruder.
I Love Lucy S01 E09 – The Fur Coat
(Or: Lucy Has a $31,000 Temper Tantrum)
**Wanna keep up? Episode watch party!**
We open on Ricky with a big box, like he’s been shopping. Gender role reversal! Lucy must be out watching the fights and scratching herself.
Fred is bent down under the sink fixing the plumbing and making hilarious jokes founded on how funny it would be if he had a vagina.
Ricky stands over Fred and sorta checks out his butt. He tries not to look too gay by making some small talk about how he and Lucy moved in on August 6, 1948, and how he’s glad Fred’s fixing the drain pipe (snicker).
Ethel comes by to say dinner’s ready. You know, something like, “Hey I just made a meal from scratch that I purchased and prepared over the course of the whole day, with a table perfectly set for you. It’s upstairs, and I’d love for you to come enjoy it with me.”
As always Fred knows the perfect thing to say:
Fred: “Stop ordering me around, will ya!?”
Ricky shows them what’s in the box and no, it’s not Gwyneth’s head. Please, that’s the end of a horror movie. This is just the skinned bodies of roughly 70 minks, sewn together.
WTF Lucy 