Original Air Date: January 19, 1953
Ballers, this is the first post in Trump’s America. Just as we have all birthed a giant, lady-grabbing baby, so Lucy will now birth one of her own. Grab your favorite hate crime and enjoy!
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I Love Lucy S01 E35 – Ricky Asks for a Raise
Original air date: June 9, 1952
Sup ballerz!
Today we look at the Season One finale! As I was watching this one, I could tell Lucy and Desi had an especially great energy. I knew she was pregnant at this point, but it turns out she found out the week they filmed this!
So they’re on a high about the baby, I’m on a high that we’re one season down, and you’re hopefully just high. (It helps the jokes seem funnier.)
I Love Lucy S01 E20 – The Young Fans
(Or: Stalking can be fun!)
**Get the background story at this week’s Episode Watch Party.**
Happy 20th episode, Ballers! We open on Lucy reading a New York Times about Hitler.
Actually, the person on the cover is Gen. Sir Gerald Templer, who was put in charge of British forces in 1952 during the “Malayan Emergency.” But, being Jewish, I can’t go five sentences without mentioning Hitler.
Lucy is a highly educated woman with a strong handle on world affairs… as long as Ricky’s not looking.
Ricky comes in totally creeped out by a perverted teenage psychopath named Peggy. She lives next door, she’s “like a spook,” and she’s legit stalking him. Lucy thinks it’s hilarious, and reminds Ricky that teenage girls are totally unreasonable.
I used to have a massive crush on Ricky myself, and considering he was a) fictional and b) 80 years old by that point, I have to side with Lucy on this.
I Love Lucy S01 E017 – Lucy Writes a Play
(Or: Lucy writes two plays)
**Get the WTFacts here first!**
OMG, Ballers. OMG OMG. This week Lucy writes a play. And when I’m not making the big bucks writing Lucy satire, I have a lucrative career as a playwright.
This is going to be so. much. fun.
We open on Lucy surrounded by books and a typewriter. It looks like “Lucy Goes to Medical School” but that episode never happened because it would have been a break in natural law.
I Love Lucy S01 E10 – Lucy Is Jealous of Girl Singer
(Or: Lucy is jealous of girl dancer, because the ho never sings a note.)
**Keep up with the action. Episode watch party!**
We open on Lucy vacuuming, when Ethel comes in and surprises her, making her scream. Then Lucy – the screaming, vacuuming hypocrite – tells Ethel to be quiet because Ricky’s asleep.
Ethel doesn’t mind. She’s on a high. A schadenfruede-fueled, worst-friend-ever high. She’s giddy because the newspaper says Ricky’s cheating on Lucy with his new showgirl. You know that thrill you get when you find out your closest friend’s life is about to fall apart? Yeah me neither. But Ethel does. Ethel is a sociopath.
Lucy believes her, so she beats the shit out of Ricky with a newspaper like the slimy insect he is. He’s like, HAHAHAHA. Ricky is also a sociopath.
Ricky: I’m as faithful as an old dog.
Lucy: Yeah, old Rover.
We know your type, Ricardo:
I Love Lucy S01 E08 – Men Are Messy
(Or: Ricky Is Dicky)
<< Wanna keep up? Episode watch party!>>
We open this week on applause for the first time! Finally, the American public has figured it out: this show is fucking amazing and it’s going to change the world.
Lucy is totally OCD, straightening the already straight papers and cleaning an already clean house. Please, someone, give her something to do. THIS IS NOT AN APPROPRIATE USE OF ANYONE’S TIME.
Ah, she’s finished. What a lovely living room. Totally worth the sacrifice of your dreams. Well played.
Then Ricky comes in and poops all over everything like a spoiled brat kid who refuses to potty train and needs a damn toy trunk. He leaves trash everywhere, throws his clothes around like a clumsy stripper, and drops food scraps for the dog they don’t have.
He even cracks nuts on the floor. It doesn’t occur to him he can only do that because of how fucking clean the floor already is. Want your nuts cracked, Ricky? I’ll crack your nuts.
I Love Lucy S01 E01 – The Girls Want to Go to a Nightclub
(Or: The Ricardos Try an Open Marriage)
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Sup, Ballers. This is it. The first episode, and the pilot post. Shall we?
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We open for the very. first. time. on Lucy and Ethel washing the dishes, where they belong. No really, though: they’re in dishwashing costumes, which look a lot like the We Can Do It work clothes, and they check each other’s dishes like it’s nuclear science. This is their boardroom. Lean In…closer to the sink.
Turns out, Monday night is Ethel and Fred Mertz’s 18-year anniversary. Ethel wants to celebrate by going to a nightclub, but Ricky (who works in a nightclub) hates nightclubs. And since Ricky is unrelated to the Mertzs and it’s not his anniversary, he obviously decides what everyone else gets to do.
Lucy, elbow deep in dish grease, bemoans how boring Ricky is:
“Ever since we said ‘I do,’ there are so many things we don’t.”
You can see where this is headed from a mile away: Lucy is a feisty redhead in her dirty thirties, and if Ricky won’t put his Copa in her cabana, she’ll find some other guy to do the deed.
WTF Lucy 