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I Love Lucy S02 E15 – Lucy Becomes a Sculptress

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Original Air Date: January 12, 1953

This is my last post of 2016, and that felt really good to type. I had thought about doing one last post on Friday 12/30, to end with a bang. (The next episode is “Lucy Goes to the Hospital” – one of the first televised storylines of its kind, and Desi’s favorite episode. It’s going to be great.)

But you know what? You can wait till 2017 for it, because this year has sucked total butt and doesn’t deserve it. It hasn’t earned a single good thing. 

Let the electoral college vote, and if they decide to bring this year something worth celebrating, I’ll post it. Otherwise, Prince is just as dead, Trump is just as elected, and I’m just as fucking done.

We open on Lucy looking at a photo album of her and Ricky’s baby photos. They use their real photos:

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I Love Lucy S02 E14 – Ricky Has Labor Pains

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Original Air Date: January 5, 1953

We’re at 1953! Another year, another round of progress we can undo over 60 years later. 

Note: this week’s episode is listed as Episode 19 on Hulu because facts are dead. It’s actually Episode 14, but that’s only according to every major TV archive and film site. If you FEEL like it’s episode 19, congratulations. You’re our new Secretary of Lucy. 

We open on Ricky, talking with Fred on the phone. Fred wants to come up and watch the game with Ricky, but he’s worried Lucy might mind because she’s getting further in her pregnancy and might not want company.

Let’s pause here and mark this moment as the first time Fred has ever been the most considerate man in the room. Fred is fucking Feminism 101 compared to the shit Ricky pulls in this episode. 

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I Love Lucy S02 E13 – Lucy Hires an English Tutor

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Original Air Date: December 29, 1952

Well, well. A lot has happened since the last post. Welcome back, ballers.

I’ve been out on the campaign trail with my dad (yeah, true story), and all I can say is it’s a mad, mad world. I’m so grateful for the messages, tweets, etc. It’s good to be back. 

Last we met, Ricky and Lucy were expecting a baby, Fred and Ethel were bickering, and we were giggling at how archaic this show feels.

Now they’re building a wall around Ricky, Fred has joined the alt-right, and Lucy’s life is all of us. 

Sigh. Let’s have at it.

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I Love Lucy S02 E06 – Vacation from Marriage

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Original Air Date: October 27, 1952

We open on Lucy sitting at the table dreaming of a better life, or at least a better apron.

I Love Lucy S02 E6 Lucy in apron

“Take off the housedress underneath and we’d have a make it work moment.” — Tim Gunn

She’s going through a deep existential crisis: she’s bored with her predictable routine. In fact, she tells Ethel, she can predict everything Ricky will do every morning. It’s “tragic,” she calls it.

Gay people and interracial couples in the 1950s are like LOL yeah must be the worst.

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I Love Lucy S01 E18 – Breaking the Lease

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(Or: Lucy and Ricky do something together for once)

Welcome back, my dear Ballers. I’ve missed you like Ethel misses singlehood. Let’s dive in.

We open on our typical Ricardo-Mertz double date. Everyone’s standing around the piano singing “I want a girl just like the girl that married dear old Dad.” Freud’s like, “Yeah, I know! I’ve been saying this for decades!”

Those lyrics are creepy as hell. Here’s the first verse of that song (emphasis mine):

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I Love Lucy S01 E10 – Lucy Is Jealous of Girl Singer

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(Or: Lucy is jealous of girl dancer, because the ho never sings a note.)

**Keep up with the action. Episode watch party!**

We open on Lucy vacuuming, when Ethel comes in and surprises her, making her scream. Then Lucy – the screaming, vacuuming hypocrite – tells Ethel to be quiet because Ricky’s asleep.

Ethel doesn’t mind. She’s on a high. A schadenfruede-fueled, worst-friend-ever high. She’s giddy because the newspaper says Ricky’s cheating on Lucy with his new showgirl. You know that thrill you get when you find out your closest friend’s life is about to fall apart? Yeah me neither. But Ethel does. Ethel is a sociopath.

Lucy believes her, so she beats the shit out of Ricky with a newspaper like the slimy insect he is. He’s like, HAHAHAHA. Ricky is also a sociopath.

Ricky: I’m as faithful as an old dog.
Lucy: Yeah, old Rover.

We know your type, Ricardo:

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I Love Lucy S01 E07 – The Séance

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(OR: Lucy’s Statue Looked Possessed For a Reason)

Get all the WTFacts at this week’s Episode watch party!

Ballers, it’s been a hard week. We’ve all seen the photos of the demon-hobbit Lucy statue haunting the outskirts of Jamestown. Now we face an episode about spiritualism and the occult. It should go without saying you need to prepare for this post with an exorcism. I’ll wait.

…

OK, with that out of the way, here’s this week’s episode:

Ricky walks into the kitchen, and Lucy’s so distracted by a book she overfills the coffee cup.

That’s 4 out of 7 episodes opening on one of them distracted by reading materials. BE IN THE MOMENT, GUYS. Good thing they didn’t live today or they’d both be walking into the walls glued to Kimmie Schmidt playing on their iPads and missing important meetings because Candy Crush sent them a push notification.

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I Love Lucy S01 E04 – Lucy Thinks Ricky Is Trying to Murder Her

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(Or: Good Thing Lucy Never Watched The Jinx)

Get all the WTFacts at this week’s Episode Watch Party!

Ah, Ballers. I hate to disappoint you. 

I know, I know. You came here for a fun read. But Ricky has ruined everything for all of us, because in this episode Ricky fucking jokes about killing his wife. How does one ignore that?

One doesn’t. So thanks a lot, Ricky. You scare the fun away, you creepy creep.

Perhaps I should back up.

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I Love Lucy S01 E02 – Be a Pal

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(Or: Ricky Is Too Brain Damaged to Remind Lucy to Take Her Crazy Pills)

<<Wanna keep up? Episode watch party!>>

We’re back, Ballers. Let’s jump right in.

This episode opens in the kitchen, with Ricky ignoring Lucy. And I mean, ignoring. I’m talking liberal House reps to Netanyahu, Tea Party to climate change, Hollywood to the elderly IGNORING.

Lucy, in response, starts talking to herself. And that’s where the real problems in this episode first become clear: since the last time we saw them, Ricky and Lucy were both brain damaged from blunt force trauma to the head. There is no other explanation for the shit that’s about to go down.

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