(Or: Lucy and Ricky do something together for once)
Welcome back, my dear Ballers. I’ve missed you like Ethel misses singlehood. Let’s dive in.
We open on our typical Ricardo-Mertz double date. Everyone’s standing around the piano singing “I want a girl just like the girl that married dear old Dad.” Freud’s like, “Yeah, I know! I’ve been saying this for decades!”
Those lyrics are creepy as hell. Here’s the first verse of that song (emphasis mine):
(Or: The Racism / Or: The Misogyny )
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Hi Ballers. You ever heard of Apache dancing? I hadn’t. It’s horrible. Let’s get started.
We open on Ethel eating some turds while everyone watches her.
Then the ladies get up to “put on a new face.” Fred crosses his fingers:
Fred: “She goes out to put on a new face and she always comes back with the old one.”
He and Ricky talk about Lucy being naked.
And guys, so far I haven’t made any of this shit up.
(Or: They Said Report to Fort Dix. Get Your Mind Out of the Gutter.)
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Hey, Ballers! Episode 11 already? Sigh. They grow up so quickly.
Let’s do this!
We open on Lucy sweeping – PHEW! A welcome break from her usual vacuuming! Ethel comes with the mail and Lucy passes over a stack of bills (we know, Lucy, you don’t pay them).
Ethel has read Lucy’s mail, which Lucy despises. She turns all Edward Snowden, talking about how people’s mail is sacred and opening it is a betrayal. Then she opens Ricky’s mail.
Letter: “You are hereby ordered to report to Fort Dix, New Jersey, Monday at 3 o’clock.”
So now Lucy assumes Ricky’s been drafted. As world’s worst friend, Ethel feels nothing. She tells Lucy to go and buy a new hat. As world’s worst wife, Lucy’s like “OK.”
(Or: Lucy Runs Out of Money and Dignity)
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We open on a very busy Lucy, frantically preparing her accounts to show Ricky. She’s terrified.
Of course she is.
Ballers, I’ve been hinting at this for weeks. Our girl’s a train wreck, and someone needs to give this shopaholic an intervention or Episode 6 will be “Lucy Goes to Bankruptcy Court.”
WTF Lucy 