rehearsal

I Love Lucy S02 E10 – Lucy Is Enceinte

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Original Air Date: December 8, 1952

We open on Lucy preparing her purse to go to the doctor because she’s been feeling “dauncy.” I dunno what dauncy means, but I’m assuming it means blatantly lacking a period because our girl is pregnant.

She doesn’t know it, though. She sleeps in a twin bed… I doubt she knows her body all that well.

Maybe the censors cut the line where she says, “I mean I’m three weeks late but then I haven’t had a heavy period since I started the pill and besides I wouldn’t be able to tell anyway because I put an extra large diva cup in a few days early this time.”

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I Love Lucy S02 E05 – The Operetta

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Original Air Date: October 13, 1952

We open on a henhouse of women going “clickety clackety.” I think the script literally said, “Jabber on about lady stuff, etc.”

But Lucy didn’t have quite as good a time as her guests.

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I Love Lucy S02 E03 – The Anniversary Present

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Original Air Date: September 29, 1952

We open on Ricky sleeping in while Lucy brings coffee to the painters outside the window. For a minute there it looks like she might jump. But Ricky wants his breakfast, as in now. He saves her life.

I wish we could watch Lucy make him that breakfast, but instead we have to watch Ricky dial one of those old rotary phones. Those phones take forever. By the time he’s done, the Academy has nominated a black woman for Best Director. It literally takes centuries.

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I Love Lucy S01 E30 – Lucy Does a TV Commercial

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Original air date: May 5, 1952

Ballers, after many weeks of watching Fred call his wife fat, listening to Ricky sing even when we weren’t that into him, and begging Lucy to suck it up and start her own YouTube channel, we arrive at my very favorite episode: “Lucy Does a TV Commercial.”

Somehow in 1952, writers and performers had a lot more stamina. This is episode 30, and we’re STILL not through with Season 1! There’s 35 of these suckers. Too bad the gang didn’t get addicted to Vitameatavegamin and disappear for a few weeks. We could all use the break.

But we keep pressing on. So sit back, relax, and grab some alcohol and/or medicine. It’s happy hour somewhere!
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I Love Lucy S01 E18 – Breaking the Lease

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(Or: Lucy and Ricky do something together for once)

Welcome back, my dear Ballers. I’ve missed you like Ethel misses singlehood. Let’s dive in.

We open on our typical Ricardo-Mertz double date. Everyone’s standing around the piano singing “I want a girl just like the girl that married dear old Dad.” Freud’s like, “Yeah, I know! I’ve been saying this for decades!”

Those lyrics are creepy as hell. Here’s the first verse of that song (emphasis mine):

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I Love Lucy S01 E017 – Lucy Writes a Play

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(Or: Lucy writes two plays)

**Get the WTFacts here first!**

OMG, Ballers. OMG OMG. This week Lucy writes a play. And when I’m not making the big bucks writing Lucy satire, I have a lucrative career as a playwright.

This is going to be so. much. fun.

We open on Lucy surrounded by books and a typewriter. It looks like “Lucy Goes to Medical School” but that episode never happened because it would have been a break in natural law.

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I Love Lucy S01 E12 – The Adagio

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(Or: The Racism / Or: The Misogyny )

**Keep up with the action. Episode watch party!**

Hi Ballers. You ever heard of Apache dancing? I hadn’t. It’s horrible. Let’s get started.

We open on Ethel eating some turds while everyone watches her.

Then the ladies get up to “put on a new face.” Fred crosses his fingers:

Fred: “She goes out to put on a new face and she always comes back with the old one.”

He and Ricky talk about Lucy being naked.

And guys, so far I haven’t made any of this shit up.

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I Love Lucy S01 E10 – Lucy Is Jealous of Girl Singer

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(Or: Lucy is jealous of girl dancer, because the ho never sings a note.)

**Keep up with the action. Episode watch party!**

We open on Lucy vacuuming, when Ethel comes in and surprises her, making her scream. Then Lucy – the screaming, vacuuming hypocrite – tells Ethel to be quiet because Ricky’s asleep.

Ethel doesn’t mind. She’s on a high. A schadenfruede-fueled, worst-friend-ever high. She’s giddy because the newspaper says Ricky’s cheating on Lucy with his new showgirl. You know that thrill you get when you find out your closest friend’s life is about to fall apart? Yeah me neither. But Ethel does. Ethel is a sociopath.

Lucy believes her, so she beats the shit out of Ricky with a newspaper like the slimy insect he is. He’s like, HAHAHAHA. Ricky is also a sociopath.

Ricky: I’m as faithful as an old dog.
Lucy: Yeah, old Rover.

We know your type, Ricardo:

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I Love Lucy S01 E06 – The Audition

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(Or: Lucy Pursues Her Lifelong Dream of Fetching Ricky’s Slippers)

Get all the WTFacts at the Episode watch party!

Why hello, Ballers. I didn’t see you there. Shall we?

This week we open on Ricky sleeping in because he works late at a nightclub and absolutely not because the writers are stereotyping Cuban-Americans. 

Lucy comes in beautiful and ready to face the day. We can assume she’s been up since 7am and has already vacuumed, mopped, and prepared breakfast from scratch. Ricky will not care.

To wake Ricky up, she plays “Babalu” on the conga drum. This is the first time we hear Desi’s signature song on the show, and I’m pretty sure he’s super pissed she gets to sing it before him. At least that might explain why he’s about to be such a total asshole. 

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