Original Air Date: January 19, 1953
Ballers, this is the first post in Trump’s America. Just as we have all birthed a giant, lady-grabbing baby, so Lucy will now birth one of her own. Grab your favorite hate crime and enjoy!
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I Love Lucy S01 E33 – Lucy’s Schedule
Original air date: May 26, 1952
We open on Ricky pacing around in a suit, fidgeting while Lucy takes her sweet-ass time in the bedroom.
Lucy keeps saying, “I’ll be ready in a minute, dear,” which means an hour because she’s got to put on her makeup, hair products, fake eyelashes, etc. Underneath all the beauty treatments, Lucille Ball was inspiration for The Walking Dead.
“I’ll be ready in a minute, dear.”
I Love Lucy S01 E30 – Lucy Does a TV Commercial
Original air date: May 5, 1952
Ballers, after many weeks of watching Fred call his wife fat, listening to Ricky sing even when we weren’t that into him, and begging Lucy to suck it up and start her own YouTube channel, we arrive at my very favorite episode: “Lucy Does a TV Commercial.”
Somehow in 1952, writers and performers had a lot more stamina. This is episode 30, and we’re STILL not through with Season 1! There’s 35 of these suckers. Too bad the gang didn’t get addicted to Vitameatavegamin and disappear for a few weeks. We could all use the break.
But we keep pressing on. So sit back, relax, and grab some alcohol and/or medicine. It’s happy hour somewhere!
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I Love Lucy S01 E14 – The Amateur Hour
(OR: Lucy Takes a Horse-Size Birth Control Pill)
**Wanna keep up? Episode watch party!**
Ballers, bad news: Lucy is fuuuuuuuuucked. She bought a dress on sale, and now she has to “smooch Ricky into it” so she can keep it. Funny, normally you smooch people out of dresses, not into them.
Ethel leaves to “smooch Fred” into letting her keep the plunger she bought. Let’s say it together: Ethel has a shitty life.
Oh, that great deal Lucy got for the dress? It was $59.95 + tax. Today that’s $535.25 + grounds for divorce. Then she complains she has nothing to wear. WOMEN!
What Ethel doesn’t tell Fred is this plunger has a vibrating feature.
WTF Lucy 