Original Air Date: January 19, 1953
Ballers, this is the first post in Trump’s America. Just as we have all birthed a giant, lady-grabbing baby, so Lucy will now birth one of her own. Grab your favorite hate crime and enjoy!
milk
I Love Lucy S01 E25 – Pioneer Women
(Or Lucy Becomes a Barista)
**More WTFacts are at this week’s Episode Watch Party.**
We open on Lucy doing the dishes and singing. Life is great! After all, Lucy and Ethel may have a chance to join the Society Matron’s League!
This is a “cream of society” group that gets together to discuss, I presume, how the younger generation makes their tea sandwiches incorrectly and how “urban” the Upper West Side has been getting lately.
Lucy’s concerned about shaking their hands, not because these women sound like constipated troll-beasts, but because of all the dishwashing Lucy’s endured over the years. She does the math:
I Love Lucy S01 E24 – The Gossip
(Or: Nancy the Harpist: the heartbreak episode)
**More WTFacts are at this week’s Episode Watch Party.**
We open on Lucy talking with Marge via telephone. They’re gossiping like 12-year-old cheerleaders about the fat kid in school. Poor Betty. We’ll get back to her.
Ricky wants Lucy to get off the phone, probably because with all this gossip she’s eventually going to hear about him and Fred going in together on a paid Ashley Madison account. But Lucy keeps talking:
Lucy: She didn’t! She didn’t! She didn’t! She couldn’t!
Ricky: Maybe that’s why she didn’t.
When Lucy finally hangs up, she worries what Marge is saying about her. Ricky’s like “I literally slap you around the damn house, and even I know this isn’t healthy.”
I Love Lucy S01 E14 – The Amateur Hour
(OR: Lucy Takes a Horse-Size Birth Control Pill)
**Wanna keep up? Episode watch party!**
Ballers, bad news: Lucy is fuuuuuuuuucked. She bought a dress on sale, and now she has to “smooch Ricky into it” so she can keep it. Funny, normally you smooch people out of dresses, not into them.
Ethel leaves to “smooch Fred” into letting her keep the plunger she bought. Let’s say it together: Ethel has a shitty life.
Oh, that great deal Lucy got for the dress? It was $59.95 + tax. Today that’s $535.25 + grounds for divorce. Then she complains she has nothing to wear. WOMEN!
What Ethel doesn’t tell Fred is this plunger has a vibrating feature.
I Love Lucy S01 E11 – Drafted
(Or: They Said Report to Fort Dix. Get Your Mind Out of the Gutter.)
**Keep up with the action. Episode watch party!**
Hey, Ballers! Episode 11 already? Sigh. They grow up so quickly.
Let’s do this!
We open on Lucy sweeping – PHEW! A welcome break from her usual vacuuming! Ethel comes with the mail and Lucy passes over a stack of bills (we know, Lucy, you don’t pay them).
Ethel has read Lucy’s mail, which Lucy despises. She turns all Edward Snowden, talking about how people’s mail is sacred and opening it is a betrayal. Then she opens Ricky’s mail.
Letter: “You are hereby ordered to report to Fort Dix, New Jersey, Monday at 3 o’clock.”
So now Lucy assumes Ricky’s been drafted. As world’s worst friend, Ethel feels nothing. She tells Lucy to go and buy a new hat. As world’s worst wife, Lucy’s like “OK.”
WTF Lucy 