Marge

I Love Lucy S01 E24 – The Gossip

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(Or: Nancy the Harpist: the heartbreak episode)

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We open on Lucy talking with Marge via telephone. They’re gossiping like 12-year-old cheerleaders about the fat kid in school. Poor Betty. We’ll get back to her.

Ricky wants Lucy to get off the phone, probably because with all this gossip she’s eventually going to hear about him and Fred going in together on a paid Ashley Madison account. But Lucy keeps talking:

Lucy: She didn’t! She didn’t! She didn’t! She couldn’t!
Ricky: Maybe that’s why she didn’t.

When Lucy finally hangs up, she worries what Marge is saying about her. Ricky’s like “I literally slap you around the damn house, and even I know this isn’t healthy.”

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I Love Lucy S01 E08 – Men Are Messy

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(Or: Ricky Is Dicky)

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We open this week on applause for the first time! Finally, the American public has figured it out: this show is fucking amazing and it’s going to change the world.

Lucy is totally OCD, straightening the already straight papers and cleaning an already clean house. Please, someone, give her something to do. THIS IS NOT AN APPROPRIATE USE OF ANYONE’S TIME.

Ah, she’s finished. What a lovely living room. Totally worth the sacrifice of your dreams. Well played.

Then Ricky comes in and poops all over everything like a spoiled brat kid who refuses to potty train and needs a damn toy trunk. He leaves trash everywhere, throws his clothes around like a clumsy stripper, and drops food scraps for the dog they don’t have.

He even cracks nuts on the floor. It doesn’t occur to him he can only do that because of how fucking clean the floor already is. Want your nuts cracked, Ricky? I’ll crack your nuts.

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