I Love Lucy S02 E06 – Vacation from Marriage

Original Air Date: October 27, 1952

We open on Lucy sitting at the table dreaming of a better life, or at least a better apron.

I Love Lucy S02 E6 Lucy in apron

“Take off the housedress underneath and we’d have a make it work moment.” — Tim Gunn

She’s going through a deep existential crisis: she’s bored with her predictable routine. In fact, she tells Ethel, she can predict everything Ricky will do every morning. It’s “tragic,” she calls it.

Gay people and interracial couples in the 1950s are like LOL yeah must be the worst.

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I Love Lucy S01 E31 – The Publicity Agent

Original air date: May 12, 1952

We open on Ricky playing cards in the living room. Lucy just finished doing all the dishes, but somehow it’s Ricky who’s in a shitty mood. He doesn’t want to hang out with the Mertzes and doesn’t want to play cards.

He’s your average six-year-old at the end of summer.

Lucy: I’ll get you a gun, you can shoot yourself.

Well, that escalated quickly.

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I Love Lucy S01 E25 – Pioneer Women

(Or Lucy Becomes a Barista)

**More WTFacts are at this week’s Episode Watch Party.**

We open on Lucy doing the dishes and singing. Life is great! After all, Lucy and Ethel may have a chance to join the Society Matron’s League!

This is a “cream of society” group that gets together to discuss, I presume, how the younger generation makes their tea sandwiches incorrectly and how “urban” the Upper West Side has been getting lately.

Lucy’s concerned about shaking their hands, not because these women sound like constipated troll-beasts, but because of all the dishwashing Lucy’s endured over the years. She does the math:

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I Love Lucy S01 E21 – New Neighbors

(Or: War is a force that gives us meaning)

**More WTFacts are at this week’s Episode Watch Party.**

We open on the living room window, which we’ve never seen before. Lucy and Ethel are snooping on the new neighbors moving in while Ricky demands his breakfast. I’m not sure which is ruder.

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I Love Lucy S01 E13 – The Benefit

(OR: The one with the actual horse’s ass)

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Ballers, you remember that time you and three other people spent every waking second together, and you never seemed to interact with anyone else, and it sorta felt like you couldn’t escape?

Unless you’re schizophrenic, in jail, or homeschooled, no. No, you don’t remember that.

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I Love Lucy S01 E10 – Lucy Is Jealous of Girl Singer

(Or: Lucy is jealous of girl dancer, because the ho never sings a note.)

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We open on Lucy vacuuming, when Ethel comes in and surprises her, making her scream. Then Lucy – the screaming, vacuuming hypocrite – tells Ethel to be quiet because Ricky’s asleep.

Ethel doesn’t mind. She’s on a high. A schadenfruede-fueled, worst-friend-ever high. She’s giddy because the newspaper says Ricky’s cheating on Lucy with his new showgirl. You know that thrill you get when you find out your closest friend’s life is about to fall apart? Yeah me neither. But Ethel does. Ethel is a sociopath.

Lucy believes her, so she beats the shit out of Ricky with a newspaper like the slimy insect he is. He’s like, HAHAHAHA. Ricky is also a sociopath.

Ricky: I’m as faithful as an old dog.
Lucy: Yeah, old Rover.

We know your type, Ricardo:

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I Love Lucy S01 E04 – Lucy Thinks Ricky Is Trying to Murder Her

(Or: Good Thing Lucy Never Watched The Jinx)

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Ah, Ballers. I hate to disappoint you. 

I know, I know. You came here for a fun read. But Ricky has ruined everything for all of us, because in this episode Ricky fucking jokes about killing his wife. How does one ignore that?

One doesn’t. So thanks a lot, Ricky. You scare the fun away, you creepy creep.

Perhaps I should back up.

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