(OR: The one with the actual horse’s ass)
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Ballers, you remember that time you and three other people spent every waking second together, and you never seemed to interact with anyone else, and it sorta felt like you couldn’t escape?
Unless you’re schizophrenic, in jail, or homeschooled, no. No, you don’t remember that.
Satirical commentary of I Love Lucy every Friday! Here’s the info to watch ahead, plus all the WTFacts for this week.
This Week’s Episode:
“The Benefit”
Original Air Date:
January 7, 1952
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DfMUxatpW50
This Week’s WTFacts:
(Or: The Racism / Or: The Misogyny )
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Hi Ballers. You ever heard of Apache dancing? I hadn’t. It’s horrible. Let’s get started.
We open on Ethel eating some turds while everyone watches her.
Then the ladies get up to “put on a new face.” Fred crosses his fingers:
Fred: “She goes out to put on a new face and she always comes back with the old one.”
He and Ricky talk about Lucy being naked.
And guys, so far I haven’t made any of this shit up.
Satirical commentary of I Love Lucy every Friday! Here’s the info to watch ahead, plus all the WTFacts for this week.
This Week’s Episode:
“The Adagio”
Original Air Date:
December 31, 1951
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OC3FMNNj0Xo
This Week’s WTFacts:
(Or: They Said Report to Fort Dix. Get Your Mind Out of the Gutter.)
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Hey, Ballers! Episode 11 already? Sigh. They grow up so quickly.
Let’s do this!
We open on Lucy sweeping – PHEW! A welcome break from her usual vacuuming! Ethel comes with the mail and Lucy passes over a stack of bills (we know, Lucy, you don’t pay them).
Ethel has read Lucy’s mail, which Lucy despises. She turns all Edward Snowden, talking about how people’s mail is sacred and opening it is a betrayal. Then she opens Ricky’s mail.
Letter: “You are hereby ordered to report to Fort Dix, New Jersey, Monday at 3 o’clock.”
So now Lucy assumes Ricky’s been drafted. As world’s worst friend, Ethel feels nothing. She tells Lucy to go and buy a new hat. As world’s worst wife, Lucy’s like “OK.”
Satirical commentary of I Love Lucy every Friday! Here’s the info to watch ahead, plus all the WTFacts for this week.
This Week’s Episode:
“Drafted”
Original Air Date:
December 24, 1951
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=43H87ikyAHg
This Week’s WTFacts:
(Or: Lucy is jealous of girl dancer, because the ho never sings a note.)
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We open on Lucy vacuuming, when Ethel comes in and surprises her, making her scream. Then Lucy – the screaming, vacuuming hypocrite – tells Ethel to be quiet because Ricky’s asleep.
Ethel doesn’t mind. She’s on a high. A schadenfruede-fueled, worst-friend-ever high. She’s giddy because the newspaper says Ricky’s cheating on Lucy with his new showgirl. You know that thrill you get when you find out your closest friend’s life is about to fall apart? Yeah me neither. But Ethel does. Ethel is a sociopath.
Lucy believes her, so she beats the shit out of Ricky with a newspaper like the slimy insect he is. He’s like, HAHAHAHA. Ricky is also a sociopath.
Ricky: I’m as faithful as an old dog.
Lucy: Yeah, old Rover.
We know your type, Ricardo:
Satirical commentary every Friday! Here’s the info to watch ahead, plus all the WTFacts for this week.
This Week’s Episode:
“Lucy Is Jealous of Girl Singer”
Original Air Date:
December 17, 1951
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=diQvREHN0bQ
This Week’s WTFacts:
(Or: Lucy Has a $31,000 Temper Tantrum)
**Wanna keep up? Episode watch party!**
We open on Ricky with a big box, like he’s been shopping. Gender role reversal! Lucy must be out watching the fights and scratching herself.
Fred is bent down under the sink fixing the plumbing and making hilarious jokes founded on how funny it would be if he had a vagina.
Ricky stands over Fred and sorta checks out his butt. He tries not to look too gay by making some small talk about how he and Lucy moved in on August 6, 1948, and how he’s glad Fred’s fixing the drain pipe (snicker).
Ethel comes by to say dinner’s ready. You know, something like, “Hey I just made a meal from scratch that I purchased and prepared over the course of the whole day, with a table perfectly set for you. It’s upstairs, and I’d love for you to come enjoy it with me.”
As always Fred knows the perfect thing to say:
Fred: “Stop ordering me around, will ya!?”
Ricky shows them what’s in the box and no, it’s not Gwyneth’s head. Please, that’s the end of a horror movie. This is just the skinned bodies of roughly 70 minks, sewn together.
Satirical commentary of I Love Lucy every Friday! Here’s the info to watch ahead, plus all the WTFacts for this week.
This Week’s Episode:
“The Fur Coat”
Original Air Date:
December 10, 1951
WTF Lucy 